Don Martin is Writing for CNN.com

This morning, Miss Edith very much appreciated a headline on CNN.com:

Wife Twacks Intruder with Emeril Pan

Twacks?

"It's like "thwonk," said Notarius, nodding sagely.

The video clip shows a genteel woman in her lovely home telling her story of how she whacked some young thug upside the head, which he doubtless deserved. However, the pan I saw her grab looked like a piece of Calphalon, not Emerilware. (I may be mistaken but I usually have a good eye for this sort of thing.)

I wonder now if they really meant to write "thwacks." But really, who cares. "Twack." Hee hee hee.

Salmon Loaf

Untold years ago we were bequeathed -- and I use the word carefully -- a can of salmon. Just a can of Bumble Bee salmon. You'd've thought it was gold.

Two weeks ago I finally decided it was time to use the thing, but I frankly had no idea what one does with a can of salmon. After careful consideration and perusal of many cookbooks, I decided on salmon loaf. I figured if America lived on it in the 1930s and 1940s, it must have something going for it.

I was wrong. The stuff is vile. Our cat, however, adores it, and I've been using the leftovers (i.e., nearly all of the pan's worth; Notarius and I each ate one slice and that was that) to give our beloved cat his thyroid medication.

The cat looooooves his salmon loaf. I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but it may be that when he finishes this salmon loaf, I might have to buy another can of this shit just so he can have it. He's old. He deserves this godawful stuff, if it makes him happy.