Meatballs to Nuts, Pt. II: Pimiento Cheese, for mi reina...

Neither Miss Edith or Notarius have any Southern blood in us at all; why is it, then, that nearly every social occasion at our house involves my putting out a bowl of pimiento cheese? It’s quite inexplicable, but we keep doing it, because it’s easy, and good, and people keep eating it, and asking, “What IS this? Can I have a spoon?” so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

Our friend M., who is an astonishing cook, appeared at Rosalind Russell’s party the other day bearing trays of food – even though I’d told her, Don’t worry about it, just come and hang out and have a good time – and the guests and I were all stunned and shamed by how excellent the coconut chicken wings were, until we tasted the goddamned cupcakes she’d made. CUPCAKES! In summer’s heat! These were double-frosted cupcakes, topped with hand-made-by-M chocolate-covered maraschino cherries. I don’t see how pimiento cheese can compare to that, but M. asked me to please provide her with the recipe for pimiento cheese, and so I will. After I say the final word on those cupcakes: they were really, really good.

To be honest, when I make pimiento cheese, I tend to just sort of toss stuff in without measuring too closely, if at all. Hence, my recipe will seem very sloppy. However, many many cookbooks contain recipes for pimiento cheese and if you look, you’ll see they’re all mostly the same – minor variations here and there, but nothing to get het up about. You’re supposed to go buy a jar of pimientos, which is fine, but I never do it… I admit that I roast red bell peppers and use those instead.
My basic method is as follows:

Acquire six excellent long, fleshy red peppers and roast them. When cool, remove skins and and seeds that might still be hanging around. Take about 4 ounces of the peppers and put them into your handy-dandy food processor. (You’ll probably have peppers leftover, which is always an excellent thing.)
To this add:
1 lb. Cheddar cheese, diced – I like something fairly sharp; a nice Cabot is swell
1 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise (do not use some goddamned “salad cream” or whatever the hell they call Miracle Whip; just don’t do it)
1 or 2 medium cloves of garlic, with any yucky bits and stem-bits removed
a few shakes of Worcestershire sauce
probably something like 1/4 tsp. Cayenne

Whizz this in your food processor until it looks like lumpy cottage cheese. You can do this by hand, of course, but it is a lot easier – oh, so much easier – when you use a food processor; I recommend the device highly.
Scrape into an attractively-colored bowl, something that’ll set off the cheese’s bright color well, and serve with crudités or chips or whatever floats your boat. A spoon might be a good idea.

Sometimes I add Colman’s mustard, or Rooster sauce, or nothing else at all, depending on my mood.

There you go. If you want more formal recipes, I would turn to the latest Joy of Cooking or another one of my favorite cookbooks, James Villas’s From My Mother’s Southern Kitchen.